bad poem #1

i want to be a bird.
not right this second.
i don’t want to die.
but i wish i could fly.
i don’t want to hang glide, or para sail, or skydive.
i just want to be a bird.
nothing comes quite close.
nothing like the feel of the air under your wings,
making lazy circles on warm gusts of wind.
no map to follow, just your own whims.
nothing i know comes close.
except my favorite pen, paper and my mind.
my favorite pen has a clicker at the end that feels good.
a nubby end that i have to push hard on to release.
the body of the pen is sturdy with a rubbery grip.
and the tip is sublime, like a fine cabernet wine.
paper can be almost anything, lined or not.
it’s my mind that matters more than a jot.
clear, clean, empty and serene.
a void, a hole through which my pen explores.
it’s the nearest thing to heaven.
a bird, a pen, and me.




A bird in my mind is worth two in the tree

So the other day was extremely hectic. Piles of new tasks to do all week with new classes starting. Fun but overwhelming. Friday came and i felt like my head was swimming. Inside my head I literally didn’t know which way to turn. Something or someone was always beckoning to cross out another item on my ‘to do’ list. And so I stopped.

I planted my feet. I slowed down my speech. I realized, even in speaking, that I was jumping the gun. I was reacting rather than responding. I wasn’t DECIDING what I felt or thought about things. I was just instantaneously pinging back. Which is ok sometimes. Sometimes that is how you get through things. You can’t think that long and hard. But still, too much of that and you feel like a yo-yo.

And I realized it’s better to be a rock than a leaf in the wind (which is my usual favorite metaphor to aim for).

I mean sometimes it’s fun to be a leaf in the wind but too much of that and you forget who you are.

So when I finally stepped off the merry-go-round of life, I started hearing things better. Noticing more. So much so that when I stepped out of my house, I finally wanted to give my full attention to a bird. Sure, I see birds sometimes but this time I really wanted to watch it chirp. Watch its throat bobble up and down as it sang. I realized how lucky I was to have a bird land on a tree that near where I was walking. And I realized why people go birdwatching. Because if you are really watching birds, then you have slowed down enough to not only pay attention, but to WANT to pay attention. You have calmed down enough to make room for the bird in your mind. Otherwise the bird chirp is just another meaningless background noise. To empty your mind of everything but the bird is a sign that you’re doing something right. I want to be in that head space more.