time to recharge

part of me has always hated self-help stuff. part of me knows that it’s the best dealio out there. i’ve taken a long break from this blog but now i’m ready to do it again. this time with slightly new eyes.

the main reason i think blogging is important is not because every sentence one utters is mind blowingly amazing, but it’s a reminder that the act of writing is important. and when you see someone else blogging and taking their thoughts seriously, i think it’s a good thing. it helps you do the same.

in some ways, i am so tired. soooooooo tired of my life being the way it is. predictable. same job. same house. same situation. it’s winter. it’s dark. i don’t like it. at the same time, i know that it doesn’t matter where you are and how much money you have and how fancy your stuff is, if you don’t enjoy you and yourself then the surroundings don’t matter. you have to enjoy yourself.

so it starts with you. can you enjoy you? are you proud of you? do you like you? and sometimes you have to learn or relearn how to toot your own horn because as you get older you don’t necessarily have a parent or coach or partner or bff always there to root you on. you have to learn how to do it for yourself. it sounds cheesy and dumb and annoying but you really have to do it. you have to learn how to be your own cheerleader.

so excuse my vanity now but i’m going to try to toot my own horn, as weird and awkward as this may sound.

  1. i’m good at making an instant latte: instant espresso powder and heated up milk on the stove. it makes less noise in the morning and it’s fast.
  2. if i get enough sleep and time to myself, i am a very patient person. if i don’t, i turn into a sourpuss. but when i do, i am really good at spouting self-help affirmations and advice whether people want to hear it or not. i believe self help affirmations are better than me yelling at people and i think they would agree.
  3. i like and i’m pretty good at talking to pretty much anyone. except maybe that homeless person wielding a sharp object but other than that i can talk to pretty much all folks. except maybe my old boss who had a beehive and a shrill voice and who wore outfits that i’d never be caught dead in and who made me feel very small and who i had absolutely zero in common with in terms of a sense of humor. but everyone else, yes.
  4. i’m pretty good at complimenting myself.
  5. i like writing and i do it quite a bit. occasionally i say something funny or deep stuff. much of the other time it’s just dribble drabble but somehow or another people put up with it or at least my friends are nice enough to just let me ramble on and do my own thing because i’m not generally hurting anyone with it. and for those whose eyes or ears i do hurt with it, well… no one is forcing them to read it. so if you’re one of those people, stop reading this. thanks.
  6. i like dmitri martin. a lot. and i just realized that i am now starting to sound like dmitri martin. but, you can’t help imitating your mentors, you know? your idols? i didn’t do this on purpose. i just loved pretty much every chapter he wrote in his book this is a book so somehow, like the actor that i am, i internalized it. so sue me. but please actually don’t sue me. i’m really writing this on my own and i promise to combine my style with his eventually to forge it into something new. i promise. please.
  7. i really am good at doing nothing. some people aren’t. some people need a plan. a direction. a purpose. a goal. an itemized ‘to do’ list for every day of their life. if i didn’t have to worry about money or anyone besides myself, i would have NO TROUBLE keeping myself entertained 24/7 and it would definitely involve zero plan making. plan making is for the birds. and, to be honest, i don’t even think they like it very much.
  8. i’m ready to start living the rest of my life.
  9. i really love lists. they separate your thoughts better than periods or paragraph breaks.
  10. but this is not an itemized list. no way jose! i don’t like ‘to do’ lists. not at all. nada.
  11. i am a really good procrastinator (i don’t even know what the theme of this list is anymore… maybe that’s a good thing). but i did learn something powerful recently. when asking a friend how she deals with her pile of things to do every day, she said, ‘you just have to do it.’ sound familiar? i didn’t realize she was using a variation of the Nike motto at the time so it had more of an impact on me than the Nike motto ever has had. just do it. it really makes a lot of sense. like right now. i don’t want to do it. i want to do what i’m doing. but in a few minutes, if i do want i want to do right now for a while, then i will DO IT. i really will. i know what i have to do and i don’t want to do it but knowing that i had some of my own real fun for awhile, then i’ll do the annoying stuff and just through it. that’s the best trick i know for combating annoying stuff you have to do.
  12. i’m running out of things to add to this list, but i’m not ready TO DO IT yet.
  13. i’m going to go check the heading of this list again to refresh my memory, get new ideas, etc.
  14. oh yeah, tooting my own horn. that’s what i’m supposed to be doing. hmmmm. let’s see. what else? i’m good at rambling. i’m good at meandering. i’m good at diversions. i’m good at deluding myself. i’m good at ignoring stuff that’s annoying. i’m good at going inside myself and burrowing there to hide from annoying stuff. i’m running out of things… i’m….. going……. to…….. do…………..IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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