Introducing (drum roll…) ‘Lucinda the Lusty Life Coach’

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Here is what being a solo parent has taught me about life:

  • 20637948_1755855194454694_3782557840075500292_nDon’t feel sorry for yourself.
  • Make time for yourself because, if you don’t, you will get resentful.
  • They’re only this young and adorable for so long: savor it as much as you can.
  • Dogs are better substitute cuddling buddies than cats but cats are more fun to kiss (on the forehead people – on the forehead!!!)
  • If you listen to too many other people’s opinions about anything (e. g., parenting, relationships, love, sex, dating, career, money), you will never know what works for you (and…I guess that means you shouldn’t listen to me, either?). But if you don’t listen to anyone, you will become an arrogant prick. So find someplace in-between and go for it.
  • Get off your gadgets and talk. It is the best medicine for any/all misunderstandings.
  • If that doesn’t work, then go be alone with nature. That will heal you, too.
  • And if that still doesn’t work, then go read the newspaper and realize that the world has a lot more to deal with than you really do.
  • And if that doesn’t work, well… I don’t know but watching stand-up comedy usually helps me recalibrate my brain (before going back to parenting, or simply adulting).
  • Above all, spend enough time alone to get your priorities straight. I just sat in a car driving up and down the coast of Washington, Oregon, and California, and I learned a lot. I learned that I’ve been chasing this dream of a two-parent family for too long. I’ve learned that it’s distracted me from being a whole parent. And I’ve learned that I want to be all there for my children. Not halfway or ¾ of the way but all the way. Finding a significant other is not a waste of time but it’s a secondary deal for me now. I’d rather be there for myself and my kids first. If/when the right person comes along, ideally, they will also know how to be there for themselves first. And if/when we ever connect it will be because we enhance each other’s lives rather than fill a void. I don’t want to live in a void. Been there, done that. I’m ready to be happy just as I am.

Pomodoro? You’re ador-able!

Pomodoro-TimerI was listening to a YouTube channel: ‘Big Think,’ and this woman was talking about the Pomodoro Effect. Basically, if you remove all distractions, turn off all notifications in your life, and sequester yourself for 25 minutes you will get past the point of no return. Meaning you will have worked past your brain’s natural tendency to avoid pain and seek pleasure (meaning: the tendency to rely on distractions, procrastination, etcetera).

For the Pomodoro to work, you need a 20-minute time period apparently. Scientists don’t know why but 25 seems to be the magic number to get into the groove on whatever project you’re working on. So right now, I am writing and I’m going to do this for 25 minutes.

I’m sitting on a log on a dry hill leading down to a ravine. Old Scrub oak trees everywhere remind me of my mom again. I’m staying at KOA. Beautiful but the most overpriced 4′ by 4′ plot of dirt and a picnic table I’ve ever paid for ($58), but I don’t care. I’m not driving. I’m not staying at an overpriced Motel 6 ($120 last night in Arcata!) and I’ve learned my lesson. Get up early. Drive early. Find a place to camp early before all the spots are taken.

I miss California, having grown up here. I miss the sun. I miss the easy-going nature of most people. But I also appreciate where I live now even more. Pluses and minuses to everything. Much of California is gorgeous but so expensive and so crowded. It’s why I left. If you can find a remote, quiet place more power to ya but it’s tricky. Maybe someday I will find the right town in California. I don’t know. I like the sun though.

I like Oregon maybe even more. Less crowded. Simpler. Unspoiled for the most part. Undiscovered (well… compared to California). The coast is unreal. It’s a spiritual experience. You realize how beautiful this world is and it makes you want to protect it. (I’ve got 15 more minutes to go on this Pomodoro Effect).

I realized on this trip how much time I need to do my thang. Never enough. I like to create. You can’t create when you’ve got too much to do. I need to have less on my plate. Minimize. That’s the key. I think that’s why I know I could never live in LA. It would be very hard to live a minimal lifestyle there.

But that’s ok. I can visit and enjoy. All I know is someday I will only have a laptop, pen, paper, some money, clothes, a camper, and friends. And I will be happy. Oh, and food too. And healthcare. And a cat or dog or both.

Fig, Bruce, Oso, Toruk, and Candace: animals that you can’t help but love

20622028_1750723021634578_689788499202032443_nSo yesterday we got to visit a lot of animals… and family! Haha but some people (and maybe some animals) may not want to be written about so… I’m still going to just write about animals.

We got to visit ‘Fig,’ the very large, voluptuous and heaving purring cat. It was very hard to stop petting Fig. He sat in his room waiting for his owner and he had the biggest yellow eyes and calico fur (that almost looked yellow in patches). Very hard to put down.

And then there was Bruce. Bruce is so big! When he wants you to pet him, he drags his claws gently but heavily across your knee, thigh, shin, arm, or anything. Then, if you rub the top of his tush, he really loves it and if you stop then he starts moving his tush back and forth, pushing his butt against your leg until you keep your hand moving.

And then there was Oso.  OH SO beautiful a dog! With a permanent look of shock on his face. Oso is oh so smart. He likes to dance and play. When our friend started to dance near him, he – being a Border Collie – started to jump up and bow down on his front legs and then jump as high as he could to herd his owner into place.

And then Toruk. The most gentle, beautiful princess of a queen that ever was. So quiet and meek. She notices everything and she goes wherever she is told to go. Faster than a puma, sleek as a jaguar, and her lithe, tan little body is dipped in chocolate brown sauce on her nose and eyelids.

And Candace. Big, muscular, calico cow-colored Candace. She has a pointy snout and big eyes and is very strong. She likes to walk by you and tempt you to pick her up. It doesn’t take much to make you pick her up. Candy Candace.