Piddly little story

In 2017, I’ve decided to be my own best cheerleader. Finally. It’s only taken 47 years to figure this out.

And I’m starting to finally notice what I can sort of do, but would like to get better doing: appreciating myself. Because if you don’t fucking stop to appreciate yourself, why the fuck would anyone else do it? And it starts by noticing what you’re good at and what you’d like to do more of. So here’s a little story for ya…

I had a cousin once (still do but I just don’t see him very much) who had a rare gift. He was able to love you and make fun of you at the same time. That’s pretty rare. People who can tease and adore, but he did it.

Once in a while I have glimpses of that ability in myself. Today I was at the grocery store and this cashier lady accidentally threw a pear at someone walking by. She didn’t mean to. She just lost her grip and the pear went flying at this dude. Luckily he dodged it but it crashed and got a big dent in it. She was very polite about it. She offered to get me a new one, but I said ‘no worries’ so then she just gave it to me for free.

Meanwhile, this other employee came by to bag my groceries and she asked what was up with the pear. We told her the story but I exaggerated and tattled about the lady practically throwing a fastball at a customer with the dented pear. We laughed at the cashier. We had a moment. It was nice, I thought, that the cashier let us laugh at her. What I enjoyed even more (I’m embarrassed to admit) is that I enjoyed the fact that I felt free enough to make fun of a grocery clerk and not worry about it. I know this may seem like a piddly little fact, but the truth of the matter is a bit deeper.

We’re all so afraid, it seems, to ever really tease each other about anything. This world is so fucking PC. Everyone’s worried about hurting everyone else’s feelings. Especially a stranger’s. We’re all so caught up in being perfect and safe. Nobody dares break that fourth wall of politesse and just be an awkward ass in order to share a laugh.

The other night my friend drunkenly spouted to people passing by that he was lucky enough to watch me pee once in the ladies’ bathroom. It’s true. One time I felt so comfortable with my ole chum that I peed while he stood by. It was no big deal. It was actually a challenge I took on myself. I normally can’t pee in front of anyone. Male or female. So to pee in front of a guy friend? God no, but I did it. And then my friend decided to tell everyone that we passed by that night what he did, and people congratulated him. Strangers applauded him.

I want to be that person who tells a random stranger some nonsense to make them laugh. I want to do that more and more. And I want to get up the gumption to tease more people more of the time. Life is too short to keep playing it safe and boring ass. I’m done with it.


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