You know, I like to write. And I tend to like to write funny stuff. Nice stuff. Positive stuff. But this one isn’t going to be so positive. You’ve got to have the yin and the yang and right now I am frankly very tired of trying to be positive. I know I will be positive again but I also know that I am done trying to please anyone. And I know that if I can get back to that place, that peace of mind where I stop giving a shit what anyone thinks of me, then I will be truly happy indeed. So this is why I do this. You can read it or not. I don’t give a shit (and I mean that in a nice way – nothing personal to anyone. Believe me, if you’ve got something better to do then by all means do it. ;).
I think it’s fucked up how the world puts this pressure on you ‘to be with someone.’ Fuck it. fuck the pressure. Fuck the insinuations. Fuck the judgment. Fuck it. as a woman, as someone who is 47, as someone who is raising a family, fuck the judgment of a society that thinks that a single parent can’t do it as well. Fuck the judgment of people who don’t think I keep my house clean enough. fuck the judgment of people who make me feel bad for being late (or the fucking internalized clock of an anal retentive society that thinks 3 minutes is late). Fuck it. fuck it. I’m fucking done with trying to make everyone else happy and not giving myself the time of day. Fuck it. fuck the expectations. Fuck the judgment. Fuck the nosiness. Fuck it all.
fuck the look on someone’s face when they see a woman without a smile on her face all the time. Fuck it that it’s easier for men to go around with a look of seriousness than a woman. Fuck the judgment of a society that expects women to have a different outfit every day. If I could wear the same clean pair of jeans and my favorite shirt (dozens of them kept in my closet like a pantsuit) I would. Fuck the idea that women have to be caring all the time. Fuck it.
I’m going to be selfish today.
I’m going to be as selfish as I can for as long as I can until being selfish feels normal because I’m done bending over and taking it from the judgment of a society that – even though it’s 2016 and apparently we’ve moved beyond such sexism – it’s still there. Believe me. it’s still there.
And now I feel better. And if you lasted this long through this rant, good on ya! You’re a tough motherfucker. And thanks!