doesn’t make a whole lotta sense

ok so it’s late, i’m tired and it probably doesn’t make a lotta sense (i know – not proper english but it’s fun to write) to write (haha two ‘to write’s in a row) when i’m this pooped but i’m also fascinated by the mind in all of its shades of glory and despair (ok i’m not despair ridden but i am a thespian) and i’m interested in what happens to one’s mind in various contexts. so i’m tired. and yet all day long i have barely been able to let myself lay down and take a nap. why? because i feel like i’m losing time when i take naps. so much to do! so much i always want to do. why take a nap? it’s boring.

even though logically i would feel better when i wake up and be able to enjoy the day even more, but still.

so when i’m this tired (due to starting a new school year, directing a play, and staying up too late performing and yapping and swilling), i don’t think very well. it takes me longer to understand anything. and it’s also easier to fall prey to being negative. but i find if i just acknowledge my fatigue to myself and anyone around me i start to feel better because i am giving myself permission to be this loopy.

i am fascinated with the mind. my mind. anyone’s mind. the directions that it goes. how you can go from one thought to what may seem like a completely different thought but if you broke it down for someone they would understand how your mind went from ‘goat fucking’ (it’s true – don’t ask, it’s from a play) to australian cheese to not enjoying eating potatoes as a child to wayne and kirby, the blond swedish kids at the end our street, to cul de sac, to living on a dead end street and how psychologists say that can make you live a ‘dead end life.’ see? negative. but i don’t feel negative. i think it’s pretty funny actually. so yeah, i could explain how i got from ‘goat fucking’ to ‘dead end life’ but yeah. i won’t. it might bore you. or maybe it won’t? hell, i don’t know. maybe i’ll try for just a bit.

so you see we were rehearsing a play tonight where the character talks about fucking a goat and then we had a lot of fun imagining how that would happen and when i think of goats i think of goat cheese and i just bought this really nice australian cheese this week (in fact i just had some) and so i thought of the bar of cheese which made me think of my english/australian aunt and her friend who are coming back to town which makes me think of my mother (her sister) and then i think of canada and i remember sitting at our dining table and not wanting to eat potatoes…. and so on and so forth.

the mind is a jumpy thing. and then i think of the video i watched this morning about male vs. female orgasms but an even better video i watched was on why people are surprised when beautiful people are jerks and how it’s like the difference between foods that are healthy for you vs. foods that are tasty. our mind is always drawn to the beautiful people (the tasty food) and it’s easy to ignore the less attractive (healthy) so our minds are more focused on the pretty people and we tend to overlook the unattractive and mean people. so we think there is a preponderance of beautiful people who are jerks when in reality there are equal numbers in both camps. ok my mind is not doing this video justice but with some math and some graphs, they made it look like it had a lot of sense.

so now my english is just deteriorating completely so i really am going to get some shuteye, zoinks, shaggy and scooby, sleep, but not before i read a bit more of ‘moth’ this amazing book about people doing live storytelling which is so awesome and which inspires me to keep writing my story and to encourage other people to tell their stories because we all have so many interesting parts of our lives. why let them be submerged by time and forgetfulness?








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