self love

since i have such hang ups when it comes to accepting the reality that it’s a very healthy thing to love oneself (due to a variety of factors but i blame it mostly on the catholic church’s love of shaming and sexual repression), i am going to do the NY Times test of falling in love with myself by answering 36 questions of myself and then staring into the mirror into my own eyes for 4 minutes to see if it truly works. here it goes.

The 36 Questions That Lead to Love – The New York Times <!–

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https://a1.nyt.com/assets/article/20160913-171552/js/foundation/lib/framework.js

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? WILL FERRELL

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way? YES AND AS A SCATHINGLY SCANDALOUS FUNNY PERSON.

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why? YES I DO OCCASIONALLY AND I DO IT WHEN I AM EITHER ANGRY OR AFRAID OF THE OTHER PERSON. OR CRUSHING ON THEM.

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you? HAVING NO PLAN WHATSOEVER, A LOT OF MONEY, AND A WAY TO TRAVEL WHILE ALSO GETTING EXERCISE AT THE SAME TIME.

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? I SANG TO MYSELF IN THE CAR AND I DO SO PRETTY MUCH EVERY TIME I DRIVE AND I SANG TO MY AUNT THIS MORNING WHO WAS STANDING IN THE STREET. I SANG ‘OH WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MORNING!’

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want? THE MIND.

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? IN MY SLEEP AFTER A LONG NIGHT OF LAUGHTER.

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common. WE BOTH LIKE TO LAUGH, WE BOTH THINK MEN NEED TO BE ABLE TO DANCE AND MAKE US LAUGH, AND WE BOTH LIKE TO KISS LOTS OF ANIMALS. EXCEPT FERRETS.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful? MY DAD’S SENSE OF HUMOR AND MY MOM’S LOVE OF WRITING.

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? READ MORE AND MORE EXERCISE. CONTRADICTORY I KNOW.

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible. i was born in canada, mother died when i was 7, we moved a lot, dad remarried when i was 9, she was a writer, i wanted to be like her, we kept moving a lot, some strife in the family during the teen years, i went to college, parents got divorced, eventually they became friends again, i had a bit too much fun at college, got a bit lost after college, found myself again and ended up in a grad program in art and theatre, vowed never to live in california again, moved to colorado after meeting someone, moved in with them, got really sick with appendicitis, 3 surgeries, moved around a lot again, couldn’t have kids, had to do in vitro to have kids, had kids, moved a lot again, eventually ended up in washington, eventually ended up on my own, eventually learned that it’s ok to be on my own and that being independent is cool and that it’s actually THE ticket to writing because when you’re in a relationship it’s hard to find time to write even though i still wish for it sometimes but i also know that there are many paths and who knows what kind of life will still come my way.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be? THE ABILITY TO SAVE MONEY BETTER.

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know? WHAT WAS MY FIRST MOTHER LIKE IN MORE DETAIL?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it? OF TRAVELING A LOT ALL OVER THE WORLD WITH JUST A BACKPACK ON MY BACK.

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? RAISING KIDS AND NURTURING A PEACEFUL ENVIRONMENT.

16. What do you value most in a friendship? SPACE TO BE SEPARATE BUT ALSO EMOTIONALLY OPEN.

17. What is your most treasured memory? MY PARENTS AND I HUGGING AND LOCKING FOREHEADS TOGETHER IN THE AIRPORT AND OTHER PLACES JUST TO BE SILLY.

18. What is your most terrible memory? I DON’T WANT TO THINK ABOUT THAT. NO THANKS

20. What does friendship mean to you? OPENNESS, HONESTY, SPACE, RESPECT, SENSITIVITY, GENEROSITY, TIME.

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life? IT’S ALWAYS GOOD TO SLOW DOWN AND SAVOR IT WHEN AN OPPORTUNITY IS THERE. HUG! SQUEEZE! KISS! LOVE ON SOMEONE OR SOMETHING IF THE TIME IS RIGHT AND THEY ARE OPEN TO IT AND YOU ARE, TOO, BUT IF NOT A SMILE OR A LAUGH CAN ALSO REACH THROUGH THE ICE.

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items. NICE SMILE, HAPPY LAUGH, OPEN HEART, SARCASTIC GLEE, GENEROUS SPIRITED

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s? QUITE CLOSE AND WITH THAT CHARACTERISTIC SLAVIC WARMTH. YES I DO THINK IT WAS HAPPY BUT I ALSO THINK PEOPLE UNDERVALUE WHAT THEY HAD. JUST BECAUSE YOU MIGHT HAVE ARGUED AT TIMES DOESN’T MEAN YOU DIDN’T LOVE EACH OTHER.

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother? I HAD TWO. I LOVED THEM EQUALLY.

Set III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “ WE NEED TIME AND SPACE TO THINK AND DECOMPRESS REGULARLY. WE NEED EXERCISE AND GOOD FOOD. WE NEED PEOPLE WHO MAKE US LAUGH. WE NEED TO HAVE FRIENDS TO MAKE LAUGH. WE NEED TO SAY ‘NO MORE OFTEN TO TASKS AND PERFECTION. (OK I DID FIVE, SO SUE ME)

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “ MY INNERMOST THOUGHTS.

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know. THAT I DON’T WANT TO BE ‘ON’ ALL THE TIME.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met. YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL IN AN INGRID BERGMAN SORT OF WAY. YOU’RE CHARMING IN A DON JUAN SORT OF WAY. AND YOU HAVE A SEXY SNEAKY SORT OF SMILE.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life. I MISSED THE FIRST DAY OF TEACHING ONCE BECAUSE I GOT THE DAY WRONG ON MY CALENDAR.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? I LAST CRIED IN FRONT OF MY NIECE. I LAST CRIED BY MYSELF LATE AT NIGHT ABOUT A WEEK AGO.

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already. I LIKE HOW BOLD YOU ARE.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? AIDS.

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet? I WOULD REGRET NOT TELLING THIS PERSON THAT THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL AND THEY HAVE NO REASON TO BE JEALOUS OF ANYONE. THEY JUST NEED TO REALIZE THEIR OWN POWER AND ALL WILL BE WELL IN THIS WORLD.

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why? MY GUITAR BECAUSE MY DAD GOT IT FOR ME AND IT REPRESENTS THE LOVING POWER OF MUSIC TO TOUCH OUR EMOTIONS AND EVERYONE ELSE’S, TOO.

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why? MY DAD’S BECAUSE I DON’T THINK YOU CAN EVER FULLY FATHOM HOW CONNECTED YOU ARE TO YOUR PARENTS UNTIL THEY ARE GONE AND THEY ARE ALWAYS A MYSTERY IN MANY WAYS NO MATTER HOW WELL YOU THINK YOU KNOW THEM.

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen. OK WE ARE TALKING ABOUT IT NOW. I’LL GET BACK TO YOU LATER WITH THE RESULTS.

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