FB realizations…

the rest of the world may already be on the ball when it comes to this, but today I fixed my own window screen by hand and made a gluten free blueberry pie from scratch (I scratched the blueberries until they felt better), and even turned on the TV to watch a show that I WANT to watch instead of being uber responsible. YAYYYY for summah!

[Ron Burgundy] “Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale’s vagina.”

words of positivity: bright blue sky peeking out from behind bold white bulbous clouds, camping next to blue mesa lake with nothing but a sleeping bag and a dog and a dream and maybe a tent, space, more space, time, more time, coffee, salads with salami and feta cheese and olives, running or walking or hiking but generally moving somehow or some way, grades DONE, a car that runs, a body that works, a mind that works, friends and family who are friends who buoy me up and keep me floating in the ether, and a love of writing that runs deep and wide and far and long and will never let me lose my way.

This statement is not going to move mountains or anything, but lime cilantro hummus is quite good. ❄

I love this: “Intentionally make a minimum of five silly mistakes a day. Create a new habit of laughing at your mistakes.” Ok, mistake #1 ~ talking really loudly on my cell phone in the library and then getting booted out. gently.

there is never going to be enough time, unless you make time. unless you set aside the have-tos and the need-tos and the shouldhaves and create enough space and time and quiet and loudness or whatever you need to do to be able to crouch down close enough to that sometimes teensy sometimes wonderfully obnoxiously loud voice deep inside you that KNOWS what you need to do, and do it.

10 reasons why tomorrow is going to be an amazing day: 1) first day of middle school for my kiddos, 2) I get to drink coffee and write, 3) I get to walk and breathe and laugh and sing and make really dumb jokes just to make people laugh and see that it’s ok to make really dumb jokes, 4) I get to smell my cats, 5) I get to use my mind to daydream my life into reality, 6) I get to practice the art of being in the moment precisely/especially at the moment when things happen to potentially be their most difficult of the day whenever that happens to be, 7) I get to be surprised by what fate lands in my lap no matter how well I plan it all out, 8) I get to be annoyed, 9) I get to laugh at how ridiculous it all is, 10) I get to grow rather than lose a few more brain cells if I play my cards right.

I don’t understand why more people don’t kiss their animals. that’s what animals are for!?! that’s why I have so many animals. because my kids can handle only so many hugs and kisses before they’re like ‘mooooommmmm.’

I’ve heard that using your middle initial can increase your intelligence, so from now on, I’m going to do things differently and always introduce myself as Lara E. Starcevich. Even to people I already know. I’m also still debating whether to begin my classes this fall with a fake accent and possible moustache to confuse my students. So if I go with that idea, I’ll have to change my name too to something like… Lars E. Shostakoceviche

in honor of bees, who apparently have brains that literally grow younger when they move from an older bee’s job to a younger bee’s job, I have decided to cut my hair and have bangs again adding years onto my life and disturbing the general peace and throwing some mayhem into the mix.

The secret to staying young at heart, in my humble opinion, is to do whatever the hell you want most of the time and then maybe 10% of the time be responsible. Call me crazy but I think it’s true.

I want to host the cheesiest dance moves competition. I’d pay to see that big time. Where all contestants are grandiloquently and sophomorically encouraged nay exhorted to present their most awkward moves yet witnessed by the eyes of man beast or fowl

I think when I read the news too much, I lose my sense of humor. I think I’m going to go back to the land of ignorance for a while.

Kissing cats is my drug of choice.

The fence is fixed, the yard is raked, and the doggy’s heiney has been washed…. let the New Year begin!!!!

I have had the motto ‘you only live once’ rolling around in my head for a looooong time…. I think I’m ready to start telling myself ‘you have plenty of time – you have plenty of time.’ it may seem antithetical to the idea of ‘success’ but I think real success is when you begin loving where you are and what you’re doing right now.

mmmmmmm (sniff) the smell (sniff sniff) of warm, black, mysterious, granular (sniff)…French café bistroish… (sniff)…. red and white checkerboard tablecloths (sniff)…. soft as freshly ground wheatberries into flour…. (sniff sniff)…. chocolately red wine cabernet note-ish… (sniff)… molasses and licorice and all things black and serpentine-ish (sniff) … wake me up in the morning after a long hiking journey across the Alps or frozen Arctic tundra or Rockies or Okie hills…. (sniff) cool crisp wonder upon wonder better even before you’ve sipped it (sniff)….. FRESH CUP OF HOMEMADE COFFEE ON A FRIDAY AFTERNOON WHEN THE WEEKEND IS THE ONLY THING IN FRONT OF YOU AND YOU DON’T CARE IF HAVING COFFEE IN THE AFTERNOON MAKES YOU STAY UP ALL NIGHT BECAUSE IT’S THE WEEKEND GODDAMMIT AND IT’S TIME TO ENJOY IT!!!!

some people may think this is just another facebook form of vanity, and they may be right, but I say it now and I’ll say it again and again and again that there is power in expressing yourself, in getting it out, because when you get it out then you also leave room for letting it in and in this world where we all tend to find more and more reasons to close the door when things get a little heated (including myself) or screen the phonecalls to hide a little longer from the wor…ld, the irony is that the more you let the world in, the happier you have the potential to be. ok, maybe not all the time. maybe there are some crazy people that you don’t necessarily want walking in your front door and sleeping on your couch, but the majority of people are not crazy out there and it’s ok to let their uniqueness in and let your uniqueness out so…. this is why I say, ‘let it out’ and ‘let it in’ even if what you have to ‘let out’ isn’t the prettiest or smartest or fanciest or hippest or whateveritisest because what it undeniably is is you and the more everyone gets in touch with who they are and liking what’s inside whether the rest of the world likes it or not, the happier we all will be and the less we will try conforming to what the rest of the world says we oughtta be and the less we will try to make the world into being just like us in order to feel comfortable with ourselves. if you already like yourself, you don’t have to make the world be just like you.

TOMORROW TOMORROW I’LL LOVE YA TOMORROW IT’S ONLY A DAY AWAY!!!!! THE MOST HILARIOUSLY FUN SONG TO SING ALONG TO ON THE PLANET AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS FROM THE RAFTERS

I’m practicing meditation not only on the way to work but just about every other goddamnedly glorious free minute I have of the day. hopefully soon… I will have grown so much gray matter that it will start oozing out of my ears.

The answer to most life-ish challenges, in my opinion, can be solved simply by getting a bit and sometimes a lot more sleep.

what is love? it is waking up in the morning excited to see what the day brings.

sometimes all I need is the tiniest of tinies smidgeonist of smidgeons of sharp sharp sharp sharp cheese and I am very very very very happy

and the kids are singing the lyrics to ‘wavin’ flag’ in unison as they get ready for school. a nice little treat for me.

sometimes, life is about living and not writing/talking about it, so i am going to go heed my own advice and live it.

on the subject of nailbiting…. this is what I heard come out of my mouth today: “you need to get your teeth outta your mouth”… it’s a sign that I need some sleep. or no-doz. one or the other.

My theory is u can’t dance unless you’re happy and I’m dancing so that’s a good sign. My other theory is fake it til u make it so faking dancing can make it happenin’ for u so either way it’s a win-win.

do you really want to know what’s ‘on my mind’ oh facebook status box? well, let’s see. how about the feel of the buttons under my fingers or the drive in the sun with so much sun that I couldn’t take my eyes off of the sun glinting over everything, or the fact that I can drive around in the dark lost for hours and not mind one bit because it just doesn’t matter well it does but it doesn’t but it does but oh well it doesn’t because of a happy little word called ‘freedom.’

I realized I am a people person. I am not a bill or late fee or statistician or bookkeeping type of person. nor am I a clerical, judicial, or bean counting type-ish person. which isn’t to say I’ve got it altogether. but it is good to realize what you enjoy. and that is what I enjoy. oh, and I like accents. a lot.

miracle of miracles. black cat missed me and is actually PURRING as I pet him.

The roller coaster can stop now thank u very much.

Instead of ‘making the best of it,’ i would like ‘the best of it’ to just be there 24/7 without having to make it happen.

The element of surprise…. I think it’s the key that unlocks it all.

unwrapping, unraveling, splicing open, shedding, reveling, revealing, understanding, waiting, wondering, guessing at…. your own inner truth. I can’t think of a better way to spend your time.

here’s what I’ve realized…
1) I like to have realizations.
2) I like lists.
3) I like Kahlua and milk at night
4) I have visions of books and memoirs and one-woman shows dancing through my prefrontal cortex on a daily basis…
5) there’s never enough time unless you get really good at saying ‘no’
6) I’m practicing saying ‘no’
7) when you stop asking so much from life, less is demanded of you. it’s like emails. the more you respond, the more you get.
8) it’s ok that life ‘demands’ things from you sometimes. it’s just…. it could ask nicely, you know?

I’m wearing socks that say ‘Bad Ass’ on them and I like it.

it’s time to be creative and silly and have fun and make no sense. I have made sense for far too long.

to continue the streak of insanity and mayhem, I cut my hair and I’m wearing mascara and shockingly red lipstick no less. who knows what will happen next????

I am gluten intolerant. I get very angry at gluten.

I don’t know about you but I would say most things in life can be figured out by spending a long, gentle period of time looking inside yourself. Or, flying down a mountain on a bike. One or the other generally. Sometimes both but not at the same time.

puns keep run-ning after me today. ‘vent vent vent until your heart’s content’ and ‘microbes in the soil are good for your soul’ as a mantra to repeat to yourself when needing to expurgate the soul of the detritus of the accumulated weeks of busy-ness and chickenwithmyheadcutoffedness.

has stopped kissing her fat cat long enough to write something as it’s experiences not things that garner the most happiness and although I would love to have a gazillion and quadrillion cats, all I really need is one solid chunk of fluffy love on my desk to bury my nose into and I can be happy. that and a cuppa joe. so. its time to wonder and wander. it’s time to fill your mind with what you gives you pleasure rather than worry. no one but you decides what you fill your mind with so fill it as you will and, although you are free to fill it as you choose, I would highly recommend anything that either a) makes you smile, b) makes you laugh, c) makes you feel free so free that nothing and nobody can take away the essence of you and me because even though the Jehovah’s witness who comes  knocking on my door is the last person on earth i want to see…  I can also just see that here is another person who is trying to be who he wants to be and that’s ok by me.

we all have our own inner truth. it’s just slowing down enough to see and hear and feel it that is important.

TMI take #3,400,562,000 quadrillion: so I go in this morning to get a mammogram and I’m sitting there waiting in the waiting room and I just finish reading the funniest paragraph of all paragraphs that I’ve ever read in my entire life written by b.j. novak whose name alone conjures up laughs and…. the receptionist lady walks in with a sad look on her face and tells me that ‘lo and behold’ the mammo machine is down and I think to myself, ‘well, gosh darn it! I guess i’ll have to miss my mammo today!’ WOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I can’t stop kissing my cats and dog. I kiss my cats more than my dog but I still kiss them all. The dog is easier to kiss. You can never give him enough kisses. He will never get tired of it. He will never get bored or feel squished or overwhelmed or suffocated. Not unless you really get too forceful with the kisses but cats? They can tire of it eventually. But they generally smell better. The dog doesn’t smell bad but the cats smell better. He smells good, too, especially around the ears. But the cats? They smell good just about everywhere – normal, that is – except around their mouth. Their mouth often smells fishy from the food they’ve been eating. So not so good to kiss them there.

I sometimes wonder if I am the only person in the world who kisses their cats this much. Of course, I’m not. I know there are more people that do it but not so many people talk about doing it. I don’t think it’s weird. I know some people think it’s weird, but I don’t. it’s like kissing a baby. Or a boyfriend. But more like a baby. I don’t think most lovers would want to be kissed as much as I want to kiss. I don’t think anybody on this earth wants to kiss as much as I want to kiss. And to want to kiss them, they have to smell good. Because if they smell good then they will taste good. And I think that is the true test of love. Taste. Do you want to taste them? Then you love them.

when we listen to what our hearts tell us. when we slow down enough to listen to our hearts and minds. and it doesn’t always make sense where they lead us but I think it’s good to tune in to that inner voice, inner child, whatever it is that helps steer you on the right path. for me, because I was around many people over the years whose voices sometimes drowned out my own… it has taken me years to quiet down all those voices long enough to hear what I think, know how I feel.

when all else fails, write. when nothing else fails, write. and if writing isn’t your thing then do whatever is your thing but the fact remains only you know what your thing is, so do it. mine is writing. i don’t know why i do it. i just do it. i don’t know why i feel compelled to do it. i just do it. we all have that something that we just have to do. so do it. and you will be happy, too. alright, what else? because i can’t just talk about writing, can i? that’s kind of solipsistic, isn’t it? i don’t know. is it? maybe it is. does it really matter? yes and no. kinda sorta. it’s how you look at it. if analyzing something to death gets me somewhere, then that’s a good thing, right? yes, i think it is. i like having conversations with myself. it’s very rewarding. life  affirming. encouraging. who in their right mind is going to say ‘no’ themselves. no, right? no. ok, maybe sometimes. yes maybe sometimes we all do doubt ourselves. but really, when you’re in your right frame of mind, i think most people tend to encourage themselves. so i’m going to do just that right now. yes. encourage myself. yes. why not. it’s better than not encouraging myself. yes. i think so. good. i’m glad you agree.

if i didn’t have friends, i don’t know what i would do. it means so much to me that there is this network of supportive and caring people out there. i have a family. and they are great but it’s so important to have a wide net. for me. i need to know that the universe is out there, with me, even when some of the universe feels like it’s not.

Say…….. ‘We need to use the old ketchup up!’ ketchup up!! say that 10 times and try not to smile.

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